the reality of being a coach’s wife

i feel like sometimes i lead this double life. on one hand, there’s ‘work kelsey.’ i come to work, i ask my coworkers about their lives, how their kids are doing, they ask about mine. nine times out of ten, my answer has something to do with “oh ya know, it’s [football/wrestling/track] season, so busy busy!” because life is busy. it’s busy without having a spouse that coaches, and even busier with. that’s the ‘joe’s wife kelsey’ life, but i wouldn’t trade it for the world.

a couple of times i have received the response of “whoa, what’s that like?” because people i know have spouses that work similar hours to them and can be expected to be home for dinner most nights. for them, that’s the norm, not the exception. i usually rattle off something about how ‘it’s hectic, but it’s his passion and i wouldn’t have it any other way,’ so i figured it’s time to really put pen to paper and outline what it’s like to be a coaches wife, at least in my [numerous pairs of] shoes. i also want to preface all of this with i’m writing this post months ahead of wrestling season, the biggest commitment of the coaching year, as a reminder to myself when i’m solo slinging logan some yogurt and leftover veggies for the fourth dinner in a row. future kels, go back and read this, and remind yourself why.

here are my truths, as a coach’s wife.

• it’s HARD to have kids and have a spouse that coaches. i should amend that statement to say it’s hard to have a kid. i’m not sure what multiples are like, but the thought is daunting nonetheless. you know what, though? logan grows up with a dad who follows his dreams and is passionate about what he does. that kind of role model is invaluable, and one of the many, many reasons i love my husband.
• you get a second, and a third, and a fourth, family. you get SO many families! logan had to go to camp with joey the other night for an hour while i was on my way home, since our schedules overlapped. before i could even make it in the gym, i had a “my daughter is playing with her! she’s well entertained” along with multiple offers of “watching her when you guys need help!” and “hanging out with her whenever you need someone.” we have babysitters, and people to occupy her, and people to love her all around us, and that is invaluable. when i say it takes a village, these families of the athletes are a huge part of our village.
• there is nothing quite like seeing your S/O passionate about something, have dreams, set goals, and achieve those goals. for real. it’s the best thing, when joey whips out the ipad at 10pm, i know that it’s going to be a late night of scouting out other teams that they will be wrestling against, to see how they match up. by the way, THIS IS A LUXURY. to have a team that is good enough to compete is not a given, so if your S/O has one, be thankful. joey, i’m totally fine with you staying up until midnight reading the guillotine and scouting, just make sure the ipad is charged up in the morning.
• you have to realign your priorities. straight up. for a time, other kids come first. and that’s totally fine, because those kids are important too. doesn’t mean you S/O is any less of a parent or spouse, just more of a good human. i hope i never take for granted the fact that other parents trust joey’s judgement, advice, and handling of situations with their children, because i now see how precious kids are, and the opportunity to get to influence them is beyond special.
• it’s a year round thing. if it’s out of season, there’s camps, open gyms, and fundraisers. downside: it’s more to add to the schedule. overwhelming upside: you get to see your “families” even more! i’m not far enough removed from high school yet to remember the camaraderie that came with playing sports, so the opportunity to continue to foster that is great. it just mean’s that i’m on 100% mom-duty while they’re away at camp.
• my activities don’t have to take a backseat, but sometimes i let them. in all honesty, sometimes it’s just. too. hard. to prioritize what i want to do and put my passions first when you have a spouse that is so connected to the community, and you know their activities HAVE to come first [fyi – this doesn’t include my career. that, i prioritize]. one of the things i’m going to focus on this coming year is prioritizing what i need to do to keep my life balanced and happy. also, again, noting that it’s summer, so we are five months out from wrestling, and i’m sure come fall i’ll be laughing at myself for writing this as i mumble my ‘surviving, occasionally thriving’ mantra to people as they ask how i’m doing. it’s worth a shot, though, right?! 😉
• it’s not my identity. this is quite possibly the most important truth of all. my identity is absolutely not wrapped up in being a coach’s wife. i’m kelsey: wife, mom, career lady, blogger [that’s new!], shoe enthusiast, friend, daughter, sister, avid spray tanner, big fan of ranch dressing + sweet potato fries [sometimes together], and wrestling fan. i may differ from some other wives, but i don’t edit what i say because my husband is a coach, i don’t have favorites, and i WANT to sit in the stands with the parents. i’m a fan, who just happens to be married to the coach.

i’m lucky that i’m married to a guy who realizes the sacrifices his family makes for him, and appreciates it. i’m also lucky that i married someone with passion and drive. to watch someone get so invested in not only the athletic careers of these kids, but academic careers, and lives outside of wrestling, means i get a front row seat to watch something special. and for that – all the good with all the bad – i wouldn’t trade it for the world.