the fourth trimester: vol. X // back to work!

ten whole weeks at home with my precious son. now, was that ten whole weeks glorious? nope, because being a mom is hard, and being the mom to a newborn is even harder. there was a point in time, around weeks 5-7 where i was NOT feeling like myself. it’s this weird place you get where you kind of feel like your old self [but with much looser skin and wrinkles you hadn’t seen before], but you don’t know who you are anymore. you kind of lose touch with reality, because the reality is you’re pretty well [not all the way, but pretty well] healed, but you’re trying to figure out this new life as a mom of multiples. you look like yourself, but don’t feel like yourself.

fast forward a few more weeks and getting into work mode snapped me right out of that. time to do my hair and wear real pants again. and shoes! that aren’t sandals! [ok sandals sometimes]. time to go to work and flex my brain in a way that it hasn’t been used in a few months … what an exciting prospect! well, i’m back to work, and here’s where i’m at:

physically: feeling good. i forgot how many steps i put on in a day at work. i think i’m currently running on adrenaline, because cole doesn’t sleep through the night and i’m getting up between 4a-5a to pump/nurse before i start my day. not that different from my pre-cole schedule, but quite the departure from sleeping in until 7a. i have a feeling i’ll be pretty exhausted come the weekend.

i am also trying to figure out a good pumping schedule so i don’t fall behind. i sent a bunch of the milk i had saved up to daycare, but i want to make sure i’m pumping as much, if not more, than what he’s eating in a day. i got some great recommendations from you guys on supplements/ways to boost my supply, so i’ve been ordering and trying some of those and will report back! anyways, i feel like my brain is working a million miles an hour trying to figure out logistics. “ok, if i pump now, when can i pump again and does my schedule allow it? do i need to bring my pump with to the other building for the afternoon? is the milk cold enough?” i’m in constant scenario-planning mode. although, i think that’s parenthood in general *shrugs shoulders*

mentally/emotionally: feeling a lot better with baby #2 than i did with #1. we sent cole to daycare yesterday for the first time, and i wasn’t even worried. with logan i was worried all.day.long. but this time i could relax. it brought me peace to know that logan was there with him; although judging from the pictures and snapchats, it’s the other kids that wanted to help with the baby, not his own sister – ha!

this week has been a big blur, but it’s so helpful for me to get back into a routine. like, a real-deal, “i have to be out of the house before 6:29am or i will hit major traffic” routine. the get-your-clothes-ready-the-night-before kind. there’s already so much to think about; i’m trying to create some moments of autonomy where i can. it helps free up my brain to do things like play with my babies when i’m at home, or mean it when i ask how someone has been at work.

being out of the house and with adults is a double-edged sword, though. i feel like i have to be 100 when i’m around other people, where i could kind of relax a little [ok, a lot] when it was just cole and i at home watching real housewives. gotta get back into work mode and i’ll be fine.

it’s also a little difficult to feel so useless at work. i’m used to connecting dots and having answers, and now i’m asking all the questions. it’s a V E R Y humbling experience.

overall, i’m better than ever. is it another adjustment period in our family’s life? for sure. are we adjusting? jury’s still out, but i can tell you that everyone is happy and healthy, and i’m thankful for that.

thanks again for following along on this journey!